Twas the night before christmas
and all through the house,
everyone felt shitty,
even the mouse.

Mom at the whorehouse,
dad smoking grass;
I'd just settle down
for a nice piece of ass.

Out on the lawn,
I heard such a clatter.
I sprung from my chair
to see what was the matter.

When out on the lawn,
I saw a big dick.
I knew in a minute,
it must be St. Nick.

He came down the chimney
like a bat out of hell.
I knew in a moment,
the fucker had fell.

He stuffed all our stockings
with pretzels and beer,
and a big rubber dick
for my brother the queer.

He rose up the chimney
with a thunderous fart.
that son of a bitch
blew my chimney apart.

He swore and he cursed
as he rode away,
piss on you all
and have a hell of a day

by unknown